Breathe

Breathe….. You just got a diagnosis. When people ask me what I would go back and tell myself at the time of my son’s diagnosis, I think “breathe.” We were so completely overwhelmed. We didn’t know much about autism besides the stereotypical views shown in the media. I felt like the diagnostician observed my son for ten minutes before telling us she “thinks” she knew the answer. She asked if we had thoughts before revealing her diagnosis and at that point I became annoyed because I just needed something. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally told us that it was clear our child had autism. There it is. The answer I needed. The answer I probably already knew in the back of my mind. I felt some relief. I now had a foundation for how to best help my son. We had a lot of questions and felt just about every emotion you could possibly feel. We were given a paper with handwritten notes on what to do next; notes that were barely legible. And in a time when we should have been comforted or reassured, we were told, here’s 3 books that will help you but you have to buy them. So we did. Side note -Those books were useless and should have been free. I literally threw one aside.

Looking back, our whole diagnosis experience was a disaster. This is exactly why I wanted to start this site. I wanted others on their autism journey to know that they aren’t alone. That it doesn’t have to be confusing and quite frankly, to prevent others from feeling lost.

I remember being reassured by my brother that my child was still the same amazing kid that he was before we got the diagnosis. And he was right. A diagnosis didn’t change who my son was or how much we loved him. It made us fighters because we decided we were going to do everything we possibly could to support him. We learned everything we could about autism. We attended classes, sought therapies and probably did too much research. We became advocates.

Shortly after the diagnosis, I encountered a brilliant man who just happened to be diagnostician. I wish we had gone to see him. He took me under his wing and led me to his office where he gave me a stack of resources and suggestions. He introduced me to an organization that would change our lives. He guided me in the right direction and since then that’s all I have ever wanted to do.. help others on their journey.

So my advice to you is this…. breathe. Take a breath and take a moment to reflect on how you’re feeling. Hug your child. Or if you got a diagnosis for yourself, share your experience and needs with those closest to you… when you’re ready. Your journey won’t happen in one day. It will be full of highs and lows. I am a runner, not a fast one but I do my best. Even the best of runners walk to catch their breath, regroup and start again.

Don’t overwhelm yourself with the whys. It’s easy as parents to ask, “What did I do to cause my child’s diagnosis?” The media tells us every day about a new theory. For those that are diagnosed, there is nothing “wrong” with you. You are a beautiful, valuable human exactly as you are. One of my favorite kids’ books is called No Such Thing as Normal. And that’s so true. There is no “normal.” We shouldn’t feel pressure to put ourselves or a child in a box. The label won’t change who the child or you become. It will only help guide you and provide you the opportunity for supports and services. So don’t loose hope.

My promise to you is simple… I promise to be here for you during your time of need. To guide you. To uplift you. To show you that you’re not alone. Now breathe. We’re in this together.